Here we go again.

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Ship's Doctor
Ship's Doctor

Posts: 20

Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2016 5:27 pm

Character name: Lilly-Rose McAllister

Post Thu Mar 02, 2017 6:42 pm

Here we go again.

The dinner table meeting had gone well but it had left Lilly with so many questions, she was worried for Lloyd and Mel, of course she was. She didn't know them very well but they were part of the crew and Mel had helped her at least once since her time on board. They were gone now, it had been an emotional goodbye but they had gone regardless. That last night with Lloyd, his words before the sun crested over the horizon would haunt her but he had demons to put down. She'd argued against it but Lloyd's demons weren't so easily destroyed, she could only hope that he managed to pull it off and get out of there. She could almost imagine him on a back water moon, sitting at a wooden shack under a veranda and rocking on a chair. Mel of course had her name to clear and her brother to find, hopefully the three would all meet up and take care of one another, she smiled at the thought. With careful ease she filed away Mel and Lloyd's Medical records for -hopefully- the last time, she'd given Lloyd as much painkillers as she could, all the anti-rejection drugs too. He was right of course, they'd stop helping eventually... didn't mean she had to give up though and nor should he.

Lilly's own issues had come to ahead thanks to the companion, her grief, her loss, her anger... it had bubbled up until she hadn't been able to contain it anymore. Thinking back to it all, she'd never grieved for that life, between running for her life, working and then everything with the Tong and thereafter the ships, she'd not had time to sit and think about what she'd lost. She'd lost two mothers, she'd never met one father and lost a second to what she could only hope was natural causes, she'd lost her best friend and hero, her career, her friends, she'd lost any chance of a normal life free of constant waking nightmares. So why wasn't she angry? Why wasn't she as vapid as May and desperate for recompense? Why didn't she want to see the people who did that to her family bleed at her feet and take satisfaction in their agonising deaths? It confused her, it made her miss Dom more than she thought she ever could and it made her question not just her place in the universe but on the ship.

McNally had asked her to stay, she didn't really want to go but his words, as always, helped. His confidence in her, restored her own confidence in herself. She had demons she was hiding, had people she was trying to outrun, she had people who thought she could be used as leverage against Dom, an interesting relationship with one of the Yakuza lieutenants, a closer-than-most-would-like relationship with the tong, god only knew what kind of relationship with Mortissen. It was all so much more complicated than she liked and then there was Hal. Her ray of sunshine through it all, the longer she had him in her life, the more it scared her. She didn't want that heat on the ship, on Hal. McNally, Alisha, Hal... she loved all three of them, in different ways of course but she did love them. The idea of anything happening to them made her insanely uncomfortable, so how could she stay?

Still, McNally was right, where else would she go where she didn't have that problem? Who could better protect her than the crew of the Black Rose Fleet? McNally knew her demons, she knew some of his, they knew what was coming for each other. It made sense to stay, logically, her heart was still in turmoil though, her instincts said run, hide, repeat. It was hard to fight sometimes, it had only been three years of her life but it had felt the longest three years of her life.

She couldn't sleep, not an unusual feature for her, for a while the nightmares had grown dormant, manageable. Waking in the mornings to face the demons from the night before and surround herself in the love and feel of the crew and the ship. Everything was off now though, there were new people here, old faces had left, it seemed such a small change but the entire ships heartbeat felt different. It made her restless, so she had given up staring at the ceiling, thrown a blanket over Hal and decided to roam the halls. She was quiet, which was perhaps why McNally had never asked her to contain her roamings, passing through halls with the quietest of steps and running throughts through her mind.

'We've all killed or learned to kill.' It was that phrase that still haunted her, McNally's conviction in his tone. He'd no idea how deeply that had cut her that night, why should he? It wasn't his fault. She nimbly hopped up the side of a wall to check something she'd hidden, feeling it still scurried deep away she decided she was satisfied and slipped quietly down again. What hurt was that he was right, she had killed, like it or not that was on her. Locke forgave her sure, Sophie too but honestly... she didn't forgive herself. She couldn't, she'd taken a man's life. She hadn't listened to the screaming of her gut that said what a terrible idea this was, she hadn't argued, sure the others had said she had trusted a senior doctor... but how stupid was she to do so? What had it cost them. Caine's face was often the one that haunted her the most at night, she'd hated him until right before they set off for that mission. Perhaps she'd convinced herself she didn't care if the plan went bad. Then they sat and they spoke as if they had been friends all their lives, he revealed his vulnerable, scared side to her, he'd spoken about the things he'd done... he told her it'd be okay and he gave her that cocky grin.

he was the reason she didn't want revenge now, she couldn't bring herself to take another life, the fact she'd killed a man accidentally haunted her mercilessly. Taking a life on purpose? Knowing what she intended to do and seek out the destruction of a human life? No matter how vile, no matter how disgusting the human... they were people, they had people in their life that didn't deserve the pain of losing the people they loved. Who was she to pass judgement anyway? She was no god, no divine being who could see all the paths a person took and cast judgement on them. Killing a killer was futile, after all the number of murderers would still stay the same and worse than that, you become like the person you killed. Sure at first you can keep that just appearance of justice and righteousness but later, when the adrenaline fades and you sit, really sit, with what you've done... everyone has a family, even if they are a crew, co-workers, neighbours... so everyone's death had the potential to ripple out and destroy so many others. There was so much hate in the verse already, adding to it made her feel unwell.

She made her way around the ship, no particular direction chosen but her feet knew where to take her, who she was quietly looking out for. There was a person whose tendencies were like hers, up late with demons who refused to rest. Consumed and wracked with guilt that they may not have deserved but couldn't escape, someone who like her recently acquired something too precious to lose. There were a few places McNally was likely to be, the galley, the cockpit or off training, so it was these places she began to pass, she wouldn't look too hard for him. If he was asleep he deserved to stay that way, as did any of the crew, they may have been seen as renegades and rogues but Lilly couldn't see that, she saw the kindness in all of them, the shining light that they were convinced wasn't there, If nothing else, I should stay until they can see themselves the way I see them.
~When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
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Ship's Pilot

Posts: 256

Joined: Wed Nov 13, 2013 10:25 am

Location: IC The Roisin Dubh. OC York.

Character name: Det McNally

Post Mon Mar 06, 2017 7:28 pm

Re: Here we go again.

The softest thrum from the engines reached the flight deck as Det checked the navigation cues for the journey out to Kalidasa. They were Beaumonde-bound, scheduled to arrive in a little over a week. Without Mel and Lloyd aboard the ship felt a little empty, less cosy, like a house with the porch door ajar. Maybe Lloyd would make it to the Blue Sun and catch up with Mel on Muir, and together they’d find Ernest and find a place to rest for once.

Something in the back of Det’s mind made him wonder if there was even a place for him to rest sometime.

A cold grin pulled at his lips. ‘Pine box, six under,’ he murmured to the black, then shook his head. That was an old way of thinking. He had a crew, a family to look out for and to care for, to admonish and to encourage… and while there might have been a couple of two empty chairs at the table for breakfast, the starboard shuttle-berth was now occupied… and maybe one of those empty chair on occasion also.

The Pretty Witch was docked, at least for the time being. He was not enamoured of the colour, he called it pink, Miss Mei called it fuchsia, but, whichever way it was described, he didn’t like it and he expected it to be changed at some point. He’d reiterated the need for her to lower her profile somewhat if she did indeed intend on her pursuit of Admiral Essex... and she in turn reiterated that she maintained such an intention.

And then he made it crystal clear, before she retired to the shuttle which she had now made her living space, that she was still a part of his crew, his family, whether she liked it or not… and that no one, not one person on the roster for the Roisin Dubh was ever going to be a scapegoat again.

Not even him.

Mei had given him a scowl when her bade her ‘sleep well, Princess,’ but there was also a modicum of understanding in her eyes, an acknowledgement that he was a more complex man than she’d probably given him credit. Her curt ‘goodnight McNally,’ made him smile ever so slightly.

After that Sophia had handed him a final diagnostic on the propulsion systems and, as they had already surmised, a major overhaul was in the offing.

‘I hope you’ve been reading up,’ Sophia had muttered between yawns as she descended to her cabin.

‘I never was good at book learnin’,’ he’d replied, taking a detour to the galley to grab a coffee before returning to the flight deck. He reviewed the diagnostic, noting the gimbals and bearings on the port engine mount were badly worn, which explained the vibration on their last few descents. The compressor coil too would soon need replacing, and the whole G-line would have to come off line for a refit. Dmitri Krivak had offered his services, but Det decided it was a job better left to him and his crew, as there might be more value to future favours from his ‘old friend’ than just getting cheap spares and free labour. In any case, the ‘Lady’s next stop was Beaumonde and the docks there would be teeming with scrappers and dealers looking for trade.

So he confirmed the nav-comp cues for the autocruise, sat back, sipped his coffee and watched the worlds turn.
Captain Det McNally
‘If you can’t do somethin’ smart, do somethin’ right... if you can’t do somethin’ right, do somethin’!’

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